Scary

Kid Gets A Butter Knife Stuck In His Head
Let me start by saying OUUUUCH!!! As the story goes a couple of friends were sitting on a park bench. Another boy became angry. He threw, yes threw, a butter knife at the two friends. One ducked, the other got a butter knife stuck in his noggin.

Nobody Likes A Smart Ass - A 13 year old boy has recently corrected a NASA estimation of an asteroid strike. They were only off by two decimal points. Instead of 1 in 45,000, it is 1 in 450. Yikes!

Close, Close Call
This reminds me of that old Resse's Peanut Butter Cups commercial. Hey! You got wood impaled on my balls. You got your balls impaled on my wood!
Despite that horrid description the pictures ARE safe for work.

New Humans Will Be Delicious
Scientists are finally making progress on something that will bring great benefit to the human race. 1 part cow, 1 part human, all parts delicious.

Killer Robot Surprisingly Kills
Toothbrushes brush teeth. Knives cut stuff. Combs positions hairs to lay in the same direction. Sadly, killer robots kill.

Drugs In The Drinking Water - There may be drugs in your local drinking water. How did they get there? People take drugs. Some is absorbed, some goes down the toilet. When the water is recycled they don't filter out the drugs. Tell them you've been drinking water at your next UA. That might explain your moodiness, bloating and night driving with amnesia of the event.

How Not To Release A Bear
You would think there would be some kind of remote control cage for this by now.

Eye Tattoo
It will be alright. Just close your eyes and forget about the pain. Ok, how about try to close one eye and don't look directly at the pain.

New Tech: Arm Implant
Who knew the mark of the beast would be so cool and useful?

Felony Spy - Know Your Neighbors - Do you really know your neighbors? Use this tool to see if there are any felons living near you.

Man Spends Christmas Eve Face Down In A Septic Tank - While trying to dislodge a clog he lost his balance and plunged face first into the access hole. Luckily his wife noticed his legs flopping in the air and called for help.

Toddler Shoots Man - Somehow a toddler got a hold of a gun. It went off. Someone died. How does a toddler even get to touch a gun?

Kid Arrested For Taking Hit Out On Parents - They shouldn't have taken away his TV and playstation. she also shouldn't have had children

Talk About The Wrong Place Wrong Time - Try having someone commit suicide by landing on your head as you are walking down the street.

Bike Mower Scares Toes Everywhere - All I could think about was your feet slipping off of the pedals. So what if your mower is green. So is what's left of your feet.

Secret Porn Collection Gets Man Killed - Not only did his girlfriend kill him but she tore up his stuff too. Talk about insult to in...death.

Intoxicated Mom Lets 5 Year Old Drive Her Home - She says he's a good driver. I would almost believe that he is better than her. Considering she had been on a sleeping pill binge and had ingested 80 in the prior two days.

Man Dies At The Hands Of His Own Zoo - "...a gecko lizard called Helmut and several thousand termites had gorged on his body." Holy crap!

The title says it all: AAAIIIIGGGGHHHHH!!!!

Almost Sucked Out Of A Plane At 20,000 Feet - He's going to need a new pair of pants.